My Life Today

I don't really know how to start this. A week ago today I found out that my husband is addicted to porn. It has been a long struggle for him. Something he has dealt with since he was about 13 or 14. He was sexually abused as a child and I know that this has a lot to do with why he struggles with this so much. We have been married two years this December, and for that time he thought he could deal with it himself. But he now realizes he needs my help and the help of our Lord. It's so hard for me cause even when he tells me it's not that he doesn't find me attractive a part of me still can't help but think there is something wrong with me. What am I to do? Part of me wants to get back at him. I don't know what I would do, but I just want to get back at him. Part of me wants to hate him forever, but the love in my heart for him is to much. Sometimes I just want to yell at him. And sometimes I do.

I know that I need to forgive him, but sometimes it is just so hard for me. I want to trust him, but that just seems impossible. Maybe all it will take is just a bit of time, well maybe alot of time. But I am willing to work on things and make things right with him. I just pray that I will be able to soon. It kills me to hold onto this sometimes, and I think that writing it down in here will help me deal with my feelings. I just wish that I could find someone who understands what I am going though and how I feel!